Psychological Game Playing   ��                          

"But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." --James 3:8 KJV                                                                                                                                                  

"There's something wrong with you! Get Help!" Yelling this out during a fight is a common tactic, often used by the person who actually needs the help. In my AOL chatroom days when I would be accused of such, I would type in these words from that old Billy Joel song, "You may be right, I may be crazy. But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for!" Seriously, I could not have cared less what some chatroom troublemakers thought of me. But people close to me, family, now that's a different story. Having someone who I love, use the, "There's something wrong with you," approach during a fight, that used to get to me.

A few years back, someone close to me claimed that I have borderline personality disorder. So, I went online and looked that up right away. Well, there were a couple symptoms that if somethings were stretched, I could have sort-of fit into. But for the most, I am actually far from having that disorder. So, it kind of made me feel good, that this was all the person could come up with. Considering all the different mental things out there, all the person came up with was something that really was not me. But then I began looking deeper for answers, as to why this person, who normally I believe does love me, was hurting me so much.  


I found a few serious mental disorders that saddened me greatly, just to think that this family member could be deailing with, without knowing. One of which, oddly enough, was borderline personality disorder. These things taunted me, until I realized that no matter what is wrong with this person, all this person has to do is stop walking in the flesh and these things would not be such an issue. My brain knew that I shouldn't let this person's words harm me. But those words had gotten into me, and they now had to be dealt with. I could not just pretend they had not been said, even though I knew this person had the problem. 

During this trial that I found myself in, I was blessed with a new little doggie. Coti has brought me such comfort. And someone actually suggested that he's an emotional support dog. I talked to my doctor's office and was asked a few questions, and low and behold, Coti's an emotional support dog. So, I was sent a letter, via an email attachment, saying so. But that letter said something else, that really shook me up. It said that I have a psychological disability. Oh, my gosh, I thought, am I mentally ill? Am I crazy? Was this person right about me, that there is something wrong with me, but was just wrong about what it is?

So, to Google I went, and I looked up psychological disabilities. And that is when I found out that any type of on-going anxiety qualifies as a psychological disability. I felt better, but I wanted to know why I could not shake the anxiety that I was under. I knew things in my head, but could not get these things through to my heart. So, again, I wondered, is there something wrong with me?

There has been a lot of narcissism by numerous people in my life, something that I learned a lot about while doing my internet searches. Then I realized that some of these people did not behave this way with everyone. And I thought what is it about me, that people would behave so narcissistically with me. awww... Then I learned that narcissists really are scared people who are insecure and in need of someone to control, to go after, and to blame for their insecurities. They use their narcissistic ways to control people, but only people who they believe they can get away with controlling. hmm... Now I was getting somewhere. Now, I was seeing that perhaps I have some control over what was happening to me, causing me such anxiety and in need of emotional support to get me through my newly labeled disability.

So, back to Google I went, and this time I wanted to learn what it was about me, that people thought they could treat me so poorly. Then I found it. I am an empath, a sitting target for anyone who has high narcissistic ways. I'm an easy target for narcissistic people. I might as well have a "kick me" sign on my back. Oh, I kid you not. Empaths have so much empathy for others and wear that empathy for all to see. As a result, some people do not feel there will be any backlash for bad treatment. But some of us empaths are what's called a "SUPER" Empath. We do have our lines and when crossed, to the shock of the offensive person, we speak up. And well, the whole reason people with so much empathy for others are targeted by highly narcissistic people, is that highly narcissistic people cannot handle being told they did something wrong. And botta-bing botta-boom, things go haywire. It's like this. Bullies never bully a bully. Bullies bully the nice people, people that won't fight back. So, when the SUPER Empath suddenly fights back, calls that person out, that person cannot handle it. Then that person goes into SUPER narcissistic mode, so-to-say, and begins gaslighting the empath.

Gaslighting is abuse that causes a person to fall under the control of the person inflicting the abuse, via actions that cause fear, weakness, and confusion. The strongest of people can fall prey to this emotional abuse when the inflictor is a very trusted person. The inflictor wears the victim down with non-stop fighting, goading, lying, and deflecting, all resulting in the victim questioning his/her own memory, perception, and even mental state of mind. The inflictor will at times show kindness, which gains trust that further confuses the victim. Eventually victims try to avoid incidents and feel they are doing good by keeping silent and thinking they are keeping the peace. But this lack of action enables the abuse to continue, abuse that went from getting a reaction by goading the victim, to gaining a submissive control to silence the victim. Victims also over apologize and try to be better. The inflictor will not do the right, so the victim take this on. This only serves to fuel the inflictor.

Inflictors can appear weak, but it's just manipulation. Do not fall for the greatest trick of all that they use. If they were as weak as they appear, they would not have the courage to be abusive to you. Yes, they are scared, but what they are scared of is losing a fight. They have no problem keeping you in a constant fight, as long as they are controlling that fight. By this I mean that they want to goad you into a fight that they stay calm in, especially once they get you going. If the victim does not catch on and stop falling for the game, the victim will need more than just an emotional support dog.

 Debra J.M. Smith