Psychological Game Playing
"But
the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison."
--James 3:8
KJV "There's something wrong with you! Get
Help!" Yelling this out during a fight is a common tactic, often
used by the person who actually needs the help. In my AOL chatroom days
when I would be accused of such, I would type in
these words from that old Billy Joel song, "You may be
right, I may be crazy. But it just might be a lunatic you're looking
for!" Seriously, I could not have cared less what some chatroom
troublemakers thought of me. But people close to me, family, now that's a
different story. Having someone who I love, use the, "There's something
wrong with you," approach during a fight, that used to get to me.
A few years back, someone close to me claimed that I have
borderline personality disorder. So, I went online and looked that up
right away. Well, there were a couple symptoms that if somethings were
stretched, I could have sort-of fit into. But for the most, I am
actually far from having that disorder. So, it kind of made me feel
good, that this was all the person could come up with. Considering
all the different mental things out there, all the person came up with was
something that really was not me. But then I began looking
deeper for answers, as to why this person, who normally I
believe does love me, was hurting me so
much.
I found a few serious mental
disorders that saddened me greatly, just to think
that this family member could be deailing
with, without knowing. One of which, oddly
enough, was borderline personality disorder. These things
taunted me, until I realized that no matter what is wrong with this
person, all this person has to do is stop walking in the flesh and these
things would not be such an issue. My brain knew that I
shouldn't let this person's words harm me. But those words
had gotten into me, and they now had to be dealt with. I could not
just pretend they had not been said, even though I knew this person
had the problem.
During this trial that I found myself
in, I was blessed with a new little doggie. Coti has brought me such
comfort. And someone actually suggested that he's an emotional support
dog. I talked to my doctor's office and was asked a few questions,
and low and behold, Coti's an emotional support dog. So, I was sent a
letter, via an email attachment, saying so. But that letter said something
else, that really shook me up. It said that I have a psychological
disability. Oh, my gosh, I thought, am I mentally ill? Am I crazy? Was
this person right about me, that there is something wrong with me, but
was just wrong about what it is?
So, to Google I went, and I
looked up psychological disabilities. And that is when I found out that
any type of on-going anxiety qualifies as a psychological disability. I
felt better, but I wanted to know why I could not shake the anxiety that I
was under. I knew things in my head, but could not get these things
through to my heart. So, again, I wondered, is there something wrong with
me?
There has been a lot of narcissism by numerous people
in my life, something that I learned a lot about while doing my internet
searches. Then I realized that some of these people did not behave this
way with everyone. And I thought what is it about me, that people would
behave so narcissistically with me. awww... Then I learned that
narcissists really are scared people who are insecure and in need of
someone to control, to go after, and to blame for their
insecurities. They use their narcissistic ways to control people, but only
people who they believe they can get away with controlling. hmm... Now I
was getting somewhere. Now, I was seeing that perhaps I have some control
over what was happening to me, causing me such anxiety and in need of
emotional support to get me through my newly labeled
disability.
So, back to Google I went, and this time I wanted to
learn what it was about me, that people thought they could treat me
so poorly. Then I found it. I am an empath, a sitting target for anyone
who has high narcissistic ways. I'm an easy target for narcissistic
people. I might as well have a "kick me" sign on my back. Oh, I kid you
not. Empaths have so much empathy for others and wear that
empathy for all to see. As a result, some people do
not feel there will be any backlash for bad treatment. But some of us
empaths are what's called a "SUPER" Empath. We do have our lines and when
crossed, to the shock of the offensive person, we speak up. And well, the
whole reason people with so much empathy for others are targeted by highly
narcissistic people, is that highly narcissistic people cannot handle
being told they did something wrong. And botta-bing botta-boom, things go
haywire. It's like this. Bullies never bully a bully. Bullies bully the
nice people, people that won't fight back. So, when the SUPER Empath
suddenly fights back, calls that person out, that person cannot handle it.
Then
that person goes into SUPER narcissistic mode, so-to-say, and begins
gaslighting the empath.
Gaslighting is abuse that
causes a person to fall under the control of the person inflicting the
abuse, via actions that cause fear, weakness, and confusion. The strongest
of people can fall prey to this emotional abuse when the inflictor is a
very trusted person. The inflictor wears the victim down with non-stop
fighting, goading, lying, and deflecting, all resulting in the victim
questioning his/her own memory, perception, and even mental state of mind.
The inflictor will at times show kindness, which gains trust that further
confuses the victim. Eventually victims try to avoid incidents and feel
they are doing good by keeping silent and thinking they are keeping the
peace. But this lack of action enables the abuse to continue, abuse that
went from getting a reaction by goading the victim, to gaining a
submissive control to silence the victim. Victims also over apologize and
try to be better. The inflictor will not do the right, so the victim take
this on. This only serves to fuel the inflictor.
Inflictors can
appear weak, but it's just manipulation. Do not fall for the greatest
trick of all that they use. If they were as weak as they appear, they
would not have the courage to be abusive to you. Yes, they are scared, but
what they are scared of is losing a fight. They have no problem keeping
you in a constant fight, as long as they are controlling that fight. By
this I mean that they want to goad you into a fight that they stay calm
in, especially once they get you going. If the victim does not catch
on and stop falling for the game, the victim will need more than just an
emotional support
dog.
|