Narcissism In A Family  ��

If you are dealing with someone who is unreasonable, self-centered, hypocritical, easily lies, lacks empathy, constantly gets at you, expects you not to get upset, deflects, implies you are a mental case, and will accuse you of being harmful if you address any of it, you can safely assume that you are dealing with a highly narcissistic person. 

A person does not have to be a full diagnosed narcissist to be highly narcissistic. There are different levels of narcissism. Highly narcissistic people can even at times behave quite sweetly and may appear to be a very sweet person for a long time, possibly years, which is all part of the control over you. Abuse is always about control. And yes,
Christians can be narcissistic. It can happen when walking in the flesh.

How can you, a Christian deal with a Christian family member who is walking in the flesh and behaving very narcissistic? What if all trying has failed and you are clearly in a broken relationship that cannot be fixed as it is, it is clear that person wants to further harm you and has no desire to work things out with you? You can walk away.


First, you need to not view this person you love as a monster. That is what the devil would like for you to do. Look at this person with love and remember that it is his/her flesh doing such wrong and remember that all of us Christians have a sinful flesh. Even if our sin is not that of what this person is doing, we have our own sin. That person may have been hating on you, but you do not have to do it back. And you do not have to allow that person to do anything more to you. Walk away.  

It really is that simple. Put your faith in God alone and keep it there. Don't try to figure out why that person you love hurt you so. It is such a waste of time and energy trying to figure out why people hurt us. The bible says when we are in our flesh we sin. Trying to figure out why someone harms us, is trying to figure out why a person sins in the flesh.

Trust and wait on the Lord, even when you finally give up on the person and perhaps believe there will be no reconciliation because there is no relationship left with the person. There could be a new relationship between you and this person someday when he/she gets back on the right path and walks right in the Lord. Even if it is not until you are both in heaven, keep your trust in God. Face the truth of the situation and trust the Lord. "And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him." ...Isaiah 30:18

Even if it takes till heaven, then you will see that family member there. It is just a matter of time. The problem really is temporary. And keep in mind that that person's trial is not yours, and you cannot solve it for that person. So don't let it hold you back from healing from your trial that came from all that happened and from being who you can be on your path in the Lord. We are here to serve the Lord. We are not here to serve man. We are told to have no other god before God, which includes our own family members. If the loss of a family member can ruin our lives, then we are putting that family member ahead of God and need to stop that. The devil would like nothing more than to render us useless, by getting us so filled with grief that we freeze in our Christian walk. We are running a race, a race that we only have so much time to run. We are told to store up our treasures in heaven. Giving into anxiety and going down in the pits, does no good, but rather harms us.

"What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?" ...Psalm 30:9 --When we go down in the pits (get depressed), we are in our flesh (the dust), which is why our Christian walk is hindered. Yes, it is normal to get depressed. And our flesh absolutely suffers from depression, at times. The bible says that our spirit fights with our flesh all day long. But the bible also says that when we walk in the Spirit of God, which can only be done while walking in our spirit, that we do not sin. We cannot be walking to the left, when we are walking to the right. We cannot walk in the flesh, when walking in the spirit. This is why we are to put on the armor of the Lord daily, not every now and then, but daily. It's a daily necessity.

Note: We are connected to our physical bodies. If troubles have caused a very real problem with your body, stemming from your nervous system that you might need medical help from a doctor to get help with to calm very real physical/chemical harm that your body is dealing with, seek out medical help. But also learn about whatever is happening to your body and ask plenty of questions and pray about any help offered and any that you choose to take. Look for peace from God about anything you do in your very real trial, a trial that He is getting you through to the other side. He is your strength. 


 Debra J.M. Smith