Abused By Someone Who Loves You

Victims of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse causes a person to fall under the control of the person inflicting the abuse, via actions that cause fear, weakness, and confusion. The strongest of people can fall prey to emotional abuse when the inflictor is a very trusted person.

The inflictor wears the victim down with non-stop fighting, goading, lying, and deflecting, all resulting in the victim questioning his/her own memory, perception, and even mental state of mind. The inflictor will at times show kindness, which gains trust that further confuses the victim.

Eventually, victims try to avoid incidents and feel they are doing good by keeping silent and thinking they are keeping the peace. But this lack of action enables the abuse to continue, abuse that went from getting a reaction by goading the victim, to gaining a submissive control to silence the victim.     

Victims also over apologize and try and be better. The inflictor will not do the right thing. So, the victim takes this on. –This only serves to fuel the inflictor.   

Inflictors can appear weak, but it’s just manipulation. Do not fall for the greatest trick of all that they use. If they were as weak as they appear, they would not have the courage to be abusive to you.



                                                                            Family Estrangement



The Heartache

It begins with a person walking in the flesh, who finds him/herself hurting and not dealing with that hurt and instead being cruel to and targeting a loved-one. Then comes the guilt, and it just snowballs from there. The loved-one becomes the target of false accusations and troublesome behavior that messes with the head and the heart.


There is not much greater guilt that a person can have, than the guilt of harming a loved-one. Then it is a very easy step from there to seek to blame the person being harmed, to try and remove the guilt.   

If you find yourself in such a situation and talking to the person does no good, wait on the Lord to work on that person, even if it means walking away. But remember that it does not mean that you are not loved by that person, as it could actually be love for you that is making it hard for that person to do the right thing, because of the guilt of having hurt someone he/she loves. Also, he/she will behave as the injured one and seek to invalidate your hurt. Do not let this person invalidate your hurt. Turn to God to take away that hurt and heal your heart. And also pray that God will heal the one who has hurt you. Then wait on the Lord, be open to a reconciliation if one is ever possible in the future, and go on with life.

Giving Up

What if it comes to a point when you realize there is not going to be a reconciliation, that the other person has made it where it is not possible to reconcile? Whatever the reason is that you have come to the conclusion that this person is not going to reconcile with you, then fully letting go is all you can do.

Finding Peace

Yes, someone you thought would never turn on you, has done just that. No matter how it happened, no matter the details, if you were not at fault your world has been turned upside down. You have felt hurt like you have never felt before. This is why so many people do whatever they can to avoid a full estrangement and hold on and never give up. Problem is they live in a state of waiting. Facing the truth and letting go, when the relationship no longer exists, is the only way you can heal and find peace.


© Debra J.M. Smith