Are Women To Blame When Men Lust
                                                 Debra J.M. Smith


Years ago I heard a story about a minister approached after Sunday service by a woman in his congregation. She expressed her dislike of women wearing make-up. (Clearly she thought he would agree with her.) The minister looked at the woman and said to her, "Some women should try it."

It is not that I begrudge a woman her right to go out exposing the face the good Lord gave her. I just happen to prefer to hide mine behind a coat of Estee Lauder's Total Coverage.

I do however, wonder why some of those women care about my skin phobia? I mean seriously. Why do some women feel the need to go on and on telling me about how they do not need make-up? I don't care that they do not wear make-up. Hey, I am cool with that!
I have heard/read countless times of how women should 'play themselves down' because men cannot handle it. Everything from make-up to spaghetti straps, are of the devil. We are to dress like old one room school house teachers, or we are to blame if a man looks our way. Because, don't ya know, the whole reason a woman dresses to look her best is so that men will look at her!
Where do these people get this from? When I dress to take 20 pounds off of my looks before walking out that front door, other men looking at me is simply the furthest thing from my mind--it's those dang women who get away with out any make-up!
See? Men just do not get it. With the exception of how our own man sees us, most of us women think very little about how men see us. We women care more about what other women think of us than what other men think. And many of us care when we look in a mirror. There is nothing wrong with simply having good grooming and wanting to take care of one's body. Actually such is a good thing and can be quite up-lifting.
Many women dress to look fit and trim and put together. And many of us like looking like women and do not want to dress down. Years ago there was an older woman who headed up a youth group at a church we used to go to. She was a grandma, who had a son with a roaming eye (he headed up the youth group with his mother). She would tell females at the youth group to wear sweat-shirts, as to not bring attention to their breasts. I found this out when my daughter went, and this was asked of the both of us. Well, that went over about as well as Tony The Tiger in a General Mills factory!

Not only was I not about to let a woman tell my daughter and me to dress down so that her roaming eye full grown son would more easily deal with the fact that God made woman, I was not about to wear sweat-shirts because I look fat in them!
So that leads me to my question. Are women to blame when men look? Well, hmm... no! Does my answer mean that no women dress to entice men? mmm... no!

Yes, there are women in this world who dress, on a whole, to entice men. Such is seen in pornography--but I believe that it is not the rule of thumb with the majority of women. And men can turn away from viewing such, even in person. This is not to say that I do not get upset at a woman exposing herself, truly exposing herself--like in pornography, which very much upsets me. It simply means that if a man lusts, it is his fault. --I do not see a little cleavage or showing a belly button as exposing oneself; if a man is uncomfortable even with that, again, he can turn away. And most bathing suits are just fine, men who have a problem with such, don't have to go to the beach or look in my back yard!

I taught my daughters how to dress for their sake. The way a woman dresses, says a lot about her. The Bible speaks of women dressing modestly in church, but for the reason of not showing off and making church a brag time.
It is important that women dress like women. It is better for a woman to be dressed feminine, than manly--even when wearing jeans. I am concerned that many Christian women are forced to dress like men or a big bag of potatoes, because of the guilt put on them by some Christian men. I have seen Christian women who clearly are trying to hide the fact that they have curves. This is truly sad.
No matter how a woman is dressed, I believe if a man looks at a woman lustfully, that is his sin and not hers. (This is with the exception of that rare occasion when a play-boy bunny hog-ties a man down and forces him to take a peak!)
It really is time that men take responsibility for their own actions. How can anyone expect men who sexually desire to be with other men, to control themselves--if Christian heterosexual men blame women? Sorry, but sin is sin. And just as male sexual perverts were not born to lust after men, heterosexual men were not born to lust after women. Men are to be attracted to 'a' woman, but not to lust after 'any' women. Lust is lust, and such is sin.

Many men of today are at a crossroad. The right answers are available to them. The right way to go, is clearly spelled out in Scripture. Those men who have a lust problem with seeing a woman dressed in anything less than a potato sack, need get closer to God. We are not animals. We really can control our actions far better than most realize. Accountability is needed. Some men, simply put, just need to get a grip. And they need to stop blaming the woman.



Debra J.M. Smith - Copyright 2006

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