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Are
Women To Blame When Men
Lust
Debra J.M. Smith
Years ago
I heard a story about a minister approached after Sunday service by
a woman in his congregation. She expressed her dislike of women
wearing make-up. (Clearly she thought he would agree with her.) The
minister looked at the woman and said to her, "Some women
should try it."
It
is not that I begrudge a woman her right to go out exposing the face
the good Lord gave her. I just happen to prefer to hide mine behind
a coat of Estee Lauder's Total
Coverage.
I
do however, wonder why some of those women care about my skin
phobia? I mean seriously. Why do some women feel the need to go on
and on telling me about how they do not need make-up? I don't
care that they do not wear make-up. Hey, I am cool with
that!
I
have heard/read countless times of how women should 'play themselves
down' because men cannot handle it. Everything from make-up to
spaghetti straps, are of the devil. We are to dress like old
one room school house teachers, or we are to blame if a man looks
our way. Because, don't ya know, the whole reason a woman dresses to
look her best is so that men will look at
her!
Where
do these people get this from? When I dress to take 20 pounds off of
my looks before walking out that front door, other men looking at me
is simply the furthest thing from my mind--it's those dang women who
get away with out any
make-up!
See?
Men just do not get it. With the exception
of how our own man sees us, most of us women think very little
about how men see us. We women care more about what other women
think of us than what other men think. And many of us care when
we look in a mirror. There is nothing wrong with simply having good
grooming and wanting to take care of one's body. Actually such
is a good thing and can be quite
up-lifting.
Many women
dress to look fit and trim and put together. And many of us like
looking like women and do not want to dress down. Years
ago there was an older woman who headed up a youth group at a church
we used to go to. She was a grandma, who had a son with a roaming
eye (he headed up the youth group with his mother). She would tell
females at the youth group to wear sweat-shirts, as to not bring
attention to their breasts. I found this out when my daughter went,
and this was asked of the both of us. Well, that went over about as
well as Tony The Tiger in a General Mills factory!
Not
only was I not about to let a woman tell my daughter and me to dress
down so that her roaming eye full grown son would more easily deal
with the fact that God made woman, I was not about to wear
sweat-shirts because I look fat in
them!
So
that leads me to my question. Are women to blame when men look?
Well, hmm... no! Does my answer mean that no women dress to entice
men? mmm...
no!
Yes, there
are women in this world who dress, on a whole, to entice
men. Such is seen in pornography--but
I believe that it is not the rule of thumb with the majority of
women. And men can turn away from viewing such, even
in person. This is not to say that I do not get upset at a
woman exposing herself, truly exposing herself--like
in pornography, which very much upsets me. It simply means that if a
man lusts, it is his fault. --I
do not see a little cleavage or showing a belly button as
exposing oneself; if a man is uncomfortable even with that,
again, he can turn away. And most bathing suits are just fine, men
who have a problem with such, don't have to go to the beach or look
in my back
yard!
I
taught my daughters how to dress for their sake. The way a woman
dresses, says a lot about her. The Bible speaks of women
dressing modestly in church, but for the reason of not showing off
and making church a brag time.
It
is important that women dress like women. It is better for a woman
to be dressed feminine, than manly--even when wearing jeans. I am
concerned that many Christian women are forced to dress like men or
a big bag of potatoes, because of the guilt put on them by
some Christian men. I have seen Christian women who clearly are
trying to hide the fact that they have curves. This is truly
sad.
No
matter how a woman is dressed, I believe if a man looks at a woman
lustfully, that is his sin and not hers. (This is with the exception
of that rare occasion when a play-boy bunny hog-ties a man down
and forces him to take a
peak!)
It
really is time that men take responsibility for their own
actions. How can anyone expect men who sexually desire to be
with other men, to control themselves--if
Christian heterosexual men blame women? Sorry, but sin is sin.
And just as male sexual perverts were not born to lust
after men, heterosexual men were not born to lust after women.
Men are to be attracted to 'a' woman, but not to lust after
'any' women. Lust is lust, and such is sin.
Many
men of today are at a crossroad. The right answers are
available to them. The right way to go, is clearly spelled out in
Scripture. Those men who have a lust problem with seeing a
woman dressed in anything less than a potato sack, need get
closer to God. We are not animals. We really can control our
actions far better than most realize. Accountability is
needed. Some men, simply put, just need to get a grip. And
they need to stop blaming the
woman.
Debra J.M. Smith - ©
Copyright 2006
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